


crashed on my couch with coffee

by psylocke



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 18:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psylocke/pseuds/psylocke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something about uncomfortable silence seemed to affect Tony in a way it didn’t everyone else, and he always made it his mission to combat it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	crashed on my couch with coffee

“You know what I hate?” asked Tony Stark, completely unprovoked yet looking around as expectantly as a dog wanting a treat after bringing in the morning newspaper. There was no trail of conversation this addition made sense to — really, there had been no discussion at all — but something about uncomfortable silence seemed to affect Tony in a way it didn’t everyone else, and he always made it his mission to combat it.

Carol Danvers was less easily impressed. She quirked a brow, looking over at him, speaking in a flat tone, trying to doggedly dampen his enthusiasm. “No, Tony. Tell us. What do you hate?”

He bit down on his lower lip, squinting in Carol’s direction, making a mental note to hack into her phone or reschedule her life into total disarray sometime in the near future. “I hate being called _sassy_. Makes me sound like some two-bit sidekick in a rom-com.”

“Who in the hell calls you sassy?” asked James Rhodes, perched on a chair to himself, reaching forward for the mug of hot tea before him. “You’re annoying, not a diva.”

“Lots of people call me sassy,” Tony snapped back, looking between Rhodey and Danvers, anticipating some sort of subtle wink or a look, because there was no other explanation than they were working together to undermine his every move today, probably out of random spite, but maybe out of revenge in his attempts to set them up on a blind date a couple of weeks back. 

At least Captain America had his back. “I think you’re sassy,” Steve Rogers pointed out, which ultimately was counter-point to Tony’s initial argument, but it at least proved the statement in the first place.

“ _Thank_ you, Steve.” 

Cap nodded. “No, wait,” he murmured, glancing across the coffee table, next to where Carol was sitting. “Sassy and ‘sissy’ mean two different things, don’t they?”

The comment made everybody laugh, but it forced Jessica Drew to cover her mouth to stop the blush and the giggle from escaping. Tony took the opportunity to trade a barb with her, too. He didn’t trust her — not because of the whole ‘Skrull-Invasion-I’m-Actually-The-Skrull-Queen’ thing, but because she was Carol’s friend, and any friend of Carol’s usually didn’t like him on principle. 

“What’s she doing here, anyway? I thought this was a meeting for, uh, war-type-guys.” He narrowed his brow in Jess’ direction, and the look of offence taken was a sight to behold.

“I drove her,” she muttered, pointing her thumb at Carol next to her, nodding with such authority it actually made Tony question if she was a skrull again. 

“Do they even have wars in Britain?” Tony asked nonchalantly, shaking his head in curiosity, pursing his lips.

“Yes?” she answered, getting annoyed despite knowing that he was just being a general dick to her. “We’ve actually gone to war with, like, every nation but two of them.”

“Well, bully for you.” He shot her a thumbs up. She stuck her tongue out at him. That just about epitomized their relationship. 

Rhodey spoke up, then, not quite content with just drinking his tea any longer. “Did you actually have a reason for calling us, Tony?” he asked. “Or did you just want to talk about you being a sissy?”

“ _Sassy_ ,” he answered plainly, not making eye-contact with his best friend. “And when did you all decide to turn against me? Is it national insult Anthony Stark day?”

“Week,” Carol added on with a nod.

“I heard month,” Rhodey answered. 

“So this is becoming a thing?” 

“It’s been a thing for a couple days, actually,” Jessica shot in, a wide smirk on her face. “We just sit around, drink coffee, and talk about how sassy you are.”

“In fact…” Carol turned to both Jess and Rhodey, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m sort of curious as to who invited you to our daily bash Tony get-together.” Her head swivelled around to Tony and Steve, sitting spaced apart on the couch.

Steve widened his eyes and shrugged his shoulders dramatically. “I didn’t know we we’re supposed to invite him!” he debated. “I felt bad talking about him behind his back.”

“Et tu, brute?” Tony said, voice resonant with mock-hurt. 

“Do they even _have_ plays in America?” Jessica asked, miming Tony’s earlier actions, exaggerating them into a caricature of his own caricature. 

“So Tony texted me the other day,” Rhodey cut in, picking up his mug again and taking a sip. “Said something about having some weird growth on his—” 

“Hey!” he spat, “private! Majorly private.”

“I got it too,” Carol said, raising a finger from her mug and lifting the cup to her lips. “ _And_ the attached picture message.”

“That was a mistake,” Tony debated.

“You captioned it with ‘See? Even with a rash, you know I’m sexy.’” 

Tony cleared his throat and bowed his head. Steve glanced around sheepishly, feeling his cheeks turning red. “Actually, that was meant for me.” His voice went quiet and abashed.

“Guys,” Tony said, speaking with some melodrama, “in my _defence_ , ‘Cap’ and ‘Cap M’ are right next to each other in my phone… and I’ve got… fat fingers.”

There was a lull in the conversation. Carol was hiding behind her mug, trying not to burst out into laughter. Jess was shooting her eyes between both Tony and Steve, trying to work out what it all meant. Rhodey, though, was focused, staring straight ahead, almost angry. His hands were pressed together in a pyramid shape, supporting his head, elbows digging into his knees. After a moment, he looked over at Tony. “Really?” he asked with incredulity. “People call you sassy? Do they even know you? You sit there for fifteen minutes trying to think up a snappy comeback.”

Carol couldn’t stop herself, now, she had to set down her mug before she dropped it from convulsive laughter. “I still can’t believe you think you’re sassy.”

“I _don’t_.”

“You kinda do.”


End file.
